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BREEDERS (1986)

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BREEDERS (1986)

Saturday, 23 November 2013 21:43

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Written by 

The Buzz:

 

     An alien crashes in to earth accompanied by a what appears to be Two-Face reincarnated as a woman… and a stripper. Crashing in the courtyard of an all girl’s school and setting up a lair in what appears to be the abandoned sex dungeon of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the alien begins abducting the students of the school with the intent of using them to reproduce to take over the planet!

 

 

 

 

 

Life of the Party:

 

     There’s not a lot of good things about Breeders to talk about. In fact, there’s only one real interesting thing to talk about in this section of my review. That is that it is directed by a man named Tim Kincaid aka Joe Gage aka Mac Larson. It’s doubtful you actually know any of those names. I certainly didn’t prior to watching the film and doing some background research on it. It turns out, however, that Tim Kincaid is widely known as one of the most prominent writers and directors of adult films about homosexual men since the 1970s all the way to the present. He’s renowned for being the first to portray such men in a realistic light in his movies and not in the stereotypical effeminate manner as was common (and still largely is) in media. While this site does not, and will not, dabble in adult film I find it interesting that a man famous for homosexual pornography would then be hired to film a sci-fi horror film of the non-adult variety called Breeders - a term used to often refer to heterosexuals in a derogatory manner. Does Kincaid’s primary work experience show in Breeders? Well, not particularly except for in one respect - it’s not exactly quality film making.

 

Yeah, I'd wake in a cold sweat knowing I made this movie too...

 

Potential Hangovers:

 

     Where to begin? Let’s start with our unnamed monster. I’m pretty sure that the monster in Breeders is also the monster that would later be used in Pumpkinhead, only currently painted green. I can’t prove that, and I may be very wrong… but they look VERY similar and their animatronics in the face are incredibly similar as well. He also constantly acts like the Kool-Aid Man busting through fake walls that seem to be everywhere.Then there’s the fact that the modus operandi of the monster is that it apparently uses a crystal necklace made from the meteor it traveled to earth in to control it’s female victims… then it covers them in what appears to be diamond semen. NO WONDER THIS THING GETS ALL THE LADIES! 

 

     The other big offender of this film is how it just makes things up as it goes along. There are so many instances where a character says something that we’re never ever shown and we’re just expected to take it as fact. For instance at one point the hero of the story says to his love interest “I already told you what I saw!” after he had just been attacked. But… at no point had he actually said what he saw, yet the conversation just continues as if he had. Later we’re told that bullets don’t work on the monster, yet the crystals from it’s meteor loaded into shotgun shells will… why? Deus Ex Machina, I suppose. But then after injuring the beast in said fashion… it’s eventually finished off with a standard revolver… 

 

     Then there’s just, in my opinion, failure of living up to it’s potential. A sci-fi horror film about an alien who desires to breed landing in an all woman’s school? Good horror should usually be a social commentary of some kind, I’m sure I’ve said this before. The title and plot of Breeders screams for a commentary on rape or even the accepted and overlooked gender inequalities of relationships. When I read the premise on Netflix I thought maybe I’d found a gem of a low budget horror film that had the vision to tackle topics major studios at the time wouldn’t. Sadly… it’s not even close to being that.

 

The most famous time an alien came to Earth and bred....

 

The Vibe: Casual Gathering

 

     Despite how bad this film is, and it really is, that’s not to say you shouldn’t watch it. It’s definitely just bad enough in all the right ways to make for a fantastic drinking game or evening of laughs with friends. It’s a terrible attempt at an 80’s horror film by a man who did little but gay porn throughout the 70’s previously, but it’s that sort of concept that may just drive you to see exactly what the hell is the result.

 

 

Plus/Minus:

 

+ There’s some nudity, I guess that’s a plus for some.

+ So bad it’s easy to crack jokes to

Everything else about this movie

 

Drinking Rules:

 

Every time the monster bursts through a wall, take a shot

Whenever a character says they or someone else did something that never happened on screen, take a drink.

Whenever the monster drags someone off camera by a limb, finish your drink

Any time a woman appears wet in any fashion, drink for each you see.

HARDCORE MODE: Drink for each bullet fired at the monster.

Read 989 times Last modified on Saturday, 23 November 2013 22:01

About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

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