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NINJA ASSASSIN (2009)

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NINJA ASSASSIN (2009)

Friday, 04 October 2013 14:13

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Written by 

The Buzz

 

     Korean pop star Rain plays a ninja in a high-budget version of an 80s ninja movie. Hits every trope you've come to expect: fights in burning houses, betrayal by an entire foot clan, a student/master duel; you name it, this movie's got it. It's incredibly predictable in terms of plot, and the final twist is laughably simple and easy to forecast. This is a very, very dumb movie. And it was one of my favorite movies to come out in 2009.

 

The Life of the Party

 

     Okay, so you likely read that whole above paragraph of me shitting on Ninja Assassin. The fact is that those awful ninja movies in the 80s were a beloved movement for a reason. Lots, and lots, and lots of fight scenes and ninja murder are prevalent in this flick. The visuals are eye-poppingly cutting edge, and the choreography is utterly badass. I mean, it's pretty easy to get a stunt double when your lead character is a dude wearing a ninja wrap the whole movie. The music is well placed, and the script (although utterly silly) is well delivered. Honestly, this is the type of movie that would have really been benefited by being in RealD in theaters because of how many damn ninja stars get thrown all over the place. Also, this movie continues to prove the rule that a single ninja is invincible (he literally wishes himself back to health after looking like he got in a chest bump contest with a supermarket meat shaver), but a plurality of ninjas falls like a house of cards. He seriously spends the whole movie shittin' on ninjas.

 

Potential Hangovers

 

     The plot is so formulaic that I'm surprised they didn't add some sort of meta element making fun of exactly how formulaic it is. Oh look, it's the top of a skyscraper, an awesome looking warehouse, or a burning dojo, etc. I wonder if they're going to have another slow-motion fight scene in here. It's so silly that, in my opinion, it adds to the value of the movie. I could definitely see why that wouldn't be the case for you, though. This movie is also incredibly violent. It's all hyper stylized, 300 type violence, but if you don't like the idea of ninjas stabbing, slicing, and dicing each other while looking really, really cool, then this movie just isn't going to be your thing. Go have a cosmo for 90 minutes and talk about feels or something. Nary a judgment shall pass between us.

 

The Vibe: Guy's Night, Large Party

 

     It shouldn't be a surprise that a movie called Ninja Assassin would go well with wings, beer, and likely lots of ass-rips. You get exactly what you came for, which is ninjas assassinating. There is zero complexity to this film and it's very exciting and visually stimulating. This fact also makes it an easy recommendation for large parties as well. Ninja films are always crowd pleasers, and as simple as this one is, it's incredibly competent. If you're in the mood for a whole lot of dishonorable murdering, check out Ninja Assassin!

 

Plus/Minus

+ Ninja murder

+ Like, a whole lot of it

+ And it looks and sounds really cool

- But there's not much else

+/- God the plot is so damn silly

 

Drink:

Once when someone dies

(Hard mode) Every time someone gets cut (seriously, that's all the rules this movie needs)

Read 785 times

About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

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