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THE COLONY (2013)

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THE COLONY (2013)

Friday, 24 January 2014 12:00

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Written by 

The Buzz:

        Some time in the future man has discovered how to control the weather (since apparently in that universe there has never been dozens of movies made showing just how bad an idea this can be). And sure enough, it's all gone to hell, and now Earth is stuck in a permanent ice age, with survivors living in small colonies. When our heroes receive a distress call from a nearby colony that then goes silent, and expedition is sent out, which causes an avalanche of events that spiral out of control (a description about as cliché as this film).

 

Life of the Party:

        It's a post-apocalyptic survival-horror film. You've seen The Colony maybe a dozen times before, with key details changed to encompass a large variety of disasters, reasons to leave relative safety, and bad guys. And while this movie is hardly the leader of this pack, it is at least decently made and produced; so if you're looking for a middle-film in your survival-horror movie night, then The Colony could certainly find it's way into this coveted spot where most people are now too drunk to really care what they're watching, but don't want it to be so bad as to spoil the party.

 

Is it just me, or does that look ripped right out of Mass Effect?

Potential Hangovers:

        There is really nothing stand-out in this film. Which is somewhat disappointing with names like Fishburne and Paxton on the front cover (well...OK, maybe not THAT disappointing, but you get my point). There's so little originality or risk in this film that I for one felt somewhat let down.

        Though if I did have to make one major complaint, it's that I feel the pacing of The Colony was way off, and that the story needed a rewrite. What would be the mid-film climax in most movies is the ending of The Colony, and what would normally be considered the building up is the climax. They spend so much time building the scene and the suspense that it seems like they forgot that the story needs a proper ending, and so instead we get cheated out of a proper one. Plus there's a major plot point (won't say what here, but you may be able to guess?) that comes up, promises to have a huge impact on the story, but is then never resolved because we're out of runtime.

       

Game over man!

The Vibe: Casual Gathering

        The Colony isn't necessarily a “bad” movie; it falls into more of the “meh” category of film. Nothing will wow you, but nothing will completely turn you away (well, maybe one scene of gore, but that's about it). For it to achieve maximum effect, I highly recommend making it maybe the second film of your movie night (for reasons stated previously).

 

Plus/Minus:

+/- Nothing really great, nothing really bad

 

Drinking Game Ideas:

~ Drink every time someone mentions having a “choice”

~ Drink every time someone mentions the snow/ice age/cold

~ Drink whenever someone mentions “supplies”

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More in this category: « APOLLO 18 (2011)

About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

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