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Exploitation Tanked Matinee: Where the Movies Come to Drink! Wed, 28 Jun 2017 22:36:53 +0000 Joomla! - Open Source Content Management en-gb REDACTED (----) REDACTED (----)

The Buzz:

        In (censored), a (location) (verb), which causes the (nouns) to (transformation). A (noun) is sent to (verb) the (nouns), but things soon predictably spiral out of control.


Life of the Party:


I wouldn't even give you the name of this man's film; how well did you expect this review to go?


Potential Hangovers:

        I tried. I really, really tried. Somehow I missed that man's name in the opening credits, but still the opening had some promise not for (this film) to be good, but at least entertaining for me at the movie's expense, like helping your unfortunately awkward friend work up the courage to chat up a cute girl at the party; what you've done is horrible, and you should be embarrassed, but at least you get to laugh a bit. And once I saw that man come on the screen as one of the minor characters, I should have run away. I should have shut it down, and moved on to something. But I tried to give (the film) the benefit of the doubt, because maybe, MAYBE I could find something to enjoy in this cinematic train wreck that was unfolding before my eyes.

        And it punished me every step of the goddamn way.

        We watch a lot of bad films here at Tanked Matinee, but we typically do so to find the hidden gems, the diamonds-in-the-rough. We love B, C, D, Independent, whatever class of films that despite their flaws and handicaps, bring something to the audience that transcends those setbacks. Take for example Total Retribution; it will win no awards, and will likely turn away many viewers before it really starts, which is a shame. I really enjoyed that movie because of the energy and sheer love of what they were doing that that cast and crew brought to the table.

        (CENSORED) had NONE of that. FUCKING NONE! Everything about it was just lazy, uncaring, and damn-near incompetent. I find the fact that IMDB estimates the film's budget at $1 million is nothing more than an insult. The fact that someone gave a man like Uwe Boll that kind of money to make this blood-flecked, worm-infested, skid-mark of a film, instead of doing something positive like feed hungry children, or donating sex-change operations to trans-genders in need, appalls me beyond relief.

        And that's why I won't even say the name of this film, and have been at least somewhat trying to keep the details that might give away the title. Because I don't want you to watch it out of morbid curiosity. I just want to impress on you that a man who loved films like Total Retribution and Osombie absolutely hated this homicide of cinema.

        And so I use this review as a call to action; no more goddamn Uwe Boll films. They're NEVER good, even in an entertaining manner. Have any of his films made money? Why do people keep giving him funds to create more late-term abortions? It's up to us, fans of the non-Hollywood cinema world, to put an end to this. I'm calling upon my probably ones of readers to help me do a small part in the fight to end Boll's career.


The Vibe:

        There is no “vibe” for this experience. If you see Boll's name on a film, just shut it down and move on with your life.


Drinking Game Ideas:

~ Force your friend who decided to watch a Uwe Boll film to do shots every time you feel disappointed in their choice of entertainment. By the end that'll be one less Boll fan to worry about.

]]> (Enuncia) Exploitation Wed, 04 Dec 2013 12:00:00 +0000

The Buzz

YES, THIS IS AN INSANE CLOWN POSSE MOVIE. NO, DO NOT CLOSE THE WINDOW. Just bear with me. I know what it looks like. I, too, was dubious when my friend Drew recommended it to me. And he, too, told me to bear with him. I am so glad I did. On the back of the box of this movie, it says that it is for juggalos exclusively(ICP fans, for those who don't know the parlance), but upon viewing it, that is wholly not the case. What it is, in fact, is an uproariously self-referential crime comedy where Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J of ICP (I hate that I know their names now) play a hardboiled cop and a crime lord in conflict in the streets of New York City. The story is mundane, but the constant fourth-wall-breaking dialogue and unsubtle gags make for an excellent, genuinely funny film to drink to. Also, it features a cameo of the Misfits, Dolemite (the real one!) and a legitimate actor that you might not expect!

The Life of the Party

So yeah, this movie is actually really, really funny. Not "funny for an irrelevant 90s hip hop group," but in fact actually one of my favorite comedies. From start to finish, it's obvious that the cast and crew had a great time making this movie and they didn't let anything like realism or story plausibility get in the way. I mean, this movie has a twist that is so impossible that one of the characters in the movie witnesses it and literally says "Okay, that simply is not possible." The gags are face-palmingly obvious in the same way Naked Gun did it. Beat cop Sugar Bear (Shaggy 2 Dope) and crime boss Big Baby Sweets (Violent J) have excellent stage presence, and I will say on that front that the movie is even more clever than it seems. All of Sweet's scenes are filmed like 90s music videos (yelling directly at a close angle camera) and all of Sugar Bear's scenes are filmed like 70s exploitation cop movies (grainy, drawn out, establishing). It's actually remarkable. The sound design is really excellent, too, which is remarkable considering, you know, it's Insane Clown Posse. There are all sorts of little running jokes that the movie executes very well. Suffice it to say, this is the type of movie that breeds inside jokes. I still hear that brass sting every time I typed Sugar Bear in this paragraph.


Potential Hangovers

ICP really isn't for everyone, and its humor isn't, either. If you can't get behind the type of comedy that has as much meta humor as actual in-universe story (think FDR: American Badass!), you will absolutely hate this movie. But if you liked the aforementioned St. James St. James classic, I would put money on you also liking Big Money Hustlas. The humor is incredibly dumb, and it fully knows that. I love dumb humor executed well. Some people are above that. I call those people boring. I really don't have a ton bad to say about this flick except that ICP is in it, and those bastards didn't even make it easy on me by sucking. Nope, they are the center of the movie and very fitting in their roles. Oh, and doesn't really have a lot of pictures of itself online. That's a bit of a negative. So to the right is a giant stripper that's in it.


 The Vibe: Casual Gathering, Large Party, Man Cave

    This movie isn't for everyone. It's definitely not for people who're looking for an organized, thought-provoking experience. What it is, though, is a clear labor of love and fan service with an ample amount of bullshitting around and story-bending for the sake of a laugh. That's what it was going for, and in this "expert" reviewer's opinion, that makes it a success. I know you are still dubious. Don't be. It starts strong and finishes stronger, and wastes no time before getting into the comedy. If you enter it with an open mind, you will leave feeling bad for having judged ICP for that Miracles music video debacle. Well, actually you won't, but you'll see that they're actually pretty competent comedic actors, which they prove by duplicating the humor in their larger-budget followup Big Money Rustlas (yes, that is real). 


Drink when

Big Baby Sweets says "mothafuckin' monayyy"

You hear Sugar Bear's brass sting after someone says his name

HARD MODE: drink when the fourth wall gets broken

]]> (JHBoman) Exploitation Wed, 28 Aug 2013 21:25:15 +0000

The Buzz:

     In this homage to 70's grindhouse ultra-violence Rutger Hauer plays a Hobo in a downtrodden world who picks up a shotgun and slowly takes out the evil gangsters that rule the land.  Wrath on both sides ensues and the film goes exactly where you expect it to go.  What it lacks in story it makes up for with a big dose of Rutger Freaking Hauer!







Life of the Party:

     This film was actually born like Machete, it was a faux trailer on Grindhouse when it was originally aired in Canada.  So expect ultra-violence from the get go.  If you are the type of person who loved Grindhouse and can handle a film that is meant to be not serious in the least then you will enjoy every second of this film.  But the real gem is Rutger Hauer, he brightens every scene he is in with gunfire as well as blood.  Plus just like Danny Trejo in Machete he is the shining light in this flick.



Wearing the latest in hobo fashion.


Potential Hangovers:

     The film drags when you try to put other characters into the film, and the acting is a bit rough when Rutger isn't on camera.  Some may criticize the film because it breaks some filmmaking rules and acts to the camera, but I see that more as charm than anything else.  The mainstream crowd will immediatley discard this film as trash right about the time a man's head is torn off using a manhole cover and a van, or perhaps just at the title, but to each their own.



Redefines a shot to the nuts...


The Vibe: Casual Gathering

     Like with most Faux-Grindhouse the right people and the right drinks can turn this film into a hilarious outing and an enjoyable experience.  The poor sequences in the film can easily be forgotten when you remember that Rutger is waiting with his shotgun around the next corner.  This film can also be enjoyed sober as well as by your lonesome with some time to burn, but much better with friends.



+- Grindhouse Violence

+ Rutger Hauer

+ Rutger Freaking Hauer!

+- Ultra Violence

- Non Rutger Acting




]]> (Nick Schmidt) Exploitation Fri, 15 Feb 2013 07:36:33 +0000


The Buzz:

     As if you couldn't tell from the title alone, Zombie Women of Satan is an exploitation movie, pure and simple. In the great tradition of nudie gore flicks from the '60s and '70s, this film takes a depraved burlesque troupe, a mad scientist, and a bevy of lingerie-clad undead and combines them into a whirlwind of blood, boobs, and British accents. Much like an actual burlesque show, the film blends a bit of comedy, a dash of danger, and a lot of self-aware sexuality to create some completely over-the-top situations you won't see anywhere else.



Life of the Party (Positives):

     The beginning of the film starts out slowly, as we're introduced to our stage performer heroes, consisting of a knife-throwing clown, a cowboy Master of Ceremonies, a rock singer, a midget, and a mute stuntman who looks amazingly similar to Chris Hemsworth in Thor (a little something for the ladies, I assume). Eventually, the team gets trapped inside the compound of a mysterious sex cult that uses its shapely female members as test subjects for a reanimation serum. There's a subplot involving the singer's sister being a cult member, some insane family drama, yada yada yada, but the purpose of this movie is to sling one liners while wielding chainsaws and covering half-naked women in gallons of fake blood, which this movie does consummately well. Once the madcap action eventually starts, it basically never lets up until the very end.

     In the heyday of drive-in exploitation, brutality and gore were used as convenient substitutes for showing explicit sex, and ZWoS follows this tried-and-true strategy of combining sex, violence, and gross-out humor into a single package. The filmmakers basically figured that if a phalanx of zombies are going to be charging at the heroes, then why not make them sexy, topless zombies? The overall effect of this is that despite buckets of sex and violence, the fact that a scene never has one element without the other actually tempers the maximum level of depravity, while enhancing the comedic value of the whole. Only audiences with no sense of humor at all will be made uncomfortable by anything in this film, because the goofy combinations of nudity, gore, and impropriety turn what might have “gone too far” into something comedic.


Potential Hangovers (Negatives):

     The film is aware of itself, which is good, as it plays the genre for laughs. Unfortunately, the characters can be a bit annoying as a result of their own personal “self-awareness.” The burlesque aesthetic is a theater of the bizarre, an attempt to push artistic and societal boundaries for its own sake. In real life, nobody likes That Guy who's weird just to be weird, but these characters are all That Guy. Several scenes consist of banter between the different characters, in which everybody is trying to prove that they're more rude, random, or raunchy than all the others in a display of hipsterish one-up-manship. It's not that the actors are too wacky, they all turn in quality performances, it's the characters themselves that have the problem. This is ultimately a minor annoyance, as although they start out as unlikeable characters, the demands of the zombie attack eventually make them cease their posturing and get serious.

The Vibe:

     To enjoy this film, the audience must have an appreciation for what exploitation means as a genre. If buckets of blood, scantily clad babes, and a tongue-in-cheek attitude sound more stupid than fun, it's not for you. It's also not ideal for a large party situation due to the constant nudity, which may be a distraction to some.

     On the other hand, have you ever wanted to see a clown get attacked by a topless paraplegic zombie firing acid from her nipples? Well, you do now, don't you? Watch this movie. Better yet, watch it with a few friends, and you'll have shared a very unique experience.

+ A 21st century update of classic exploitation horror techniques

+ Hilarious sight gags and plenty of erotic humor, combined with sufficiently realistic gore and violence

+ Everybody has a British accent, so it MUST be classy!

+/- Unless it was in an extremely brief cameo that I missed, Satan does not actually make an appearance anywhere in this film

- The characters' self-conscious need to posture and compete makes them a bit unlikeable

+/- There's a sequel coming out this year:

]]> (Alex Lane) Exploitation Mon, 04 Feb 2013 23:09:57 +0000

The Buzz:

     Sundance regulars Scott Sanders and Byron Minns team up with martial artist and experimental truck-human hybrid Michael Jai White to produce a total genre satire of 1970s blaxploitation movies, complete with continuity errors, mics in shots, and pitch-perfect humor. Black Dynamite is essentially a superhero character who defends The Black Community from the oppressive onslaught of The Man. The movie is knowingly TOO badass with a completely flawles main character who never misses. After his brother gets killed, he goes on a path of revenge best described as...unexpected. I won't spoil it.

The Life of the Party:

     Frankly, everything about this movie is competent, gorgeous, and exceptionally period., The costuming is awesome, the gags are extremely fresh, and the all-star cast (featuring, among others, Aresenio Hall and Cedric Yarborough, and one of the best cameos in cinematic history) performs excellently with stellar chemistry. The dialogue is so to the point that almost every line in the movie is memorable. The soundtrack is original, but fits the 70s atmosphere to a T. Occasionally it even narrates the scene. Listen for it. Oh, and the martial arts are pretty solid too, considering Michael Jai White can do EVERYTHING.

Potential Hangovers:

     Really, not much to say here. The movie is one of our very favorites here at Tanked Matinee. I guess if you're lame, you could complain that it's only 84 minutes, but to us, that's a boon. Can't really complain that they don't give us enough of the Black Dynamite universe now that the cartoon series is out (you should watch it).  I don't actually have anything bad to say about  this movie. It's the kind of film this whole site is based on.

The Vibe:

     I recommend this movie for any viewing where nudity on screen isn't going to be a problem. It happens a couple times, because remember, it was an exploitation flick in the 70s. It comes with the territory. Aside from that, this movie works in all cases. If you've got a big party, a lot of the jokes don't need words, and of course the action is always going to be a crowd pleaser. It's also great for small gatherings because of how much industry humor there is. More importantly, it stands up to repeat viewing, because there may always be something you missed last time. I thoroughly recommend this movie to anyone who loves a good period piece satire.

+ Michael Jai White is a great action star, but more importantly a great character actor.

+ Excellent sense of humor

+ Genuinely fun to watch from start to finish

+ Fresh and vibrant, yet period

- They aren't making a sequel

]]> (JHBoman) Exploitation Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:50:30 +0000
DEAR GOD, NO! (2011) DEAR GOD, NO! (2011)

The Buzz:

     In this super low budget exploitation film we follow a group of no morale bikers as they rape and murder their way to eventually end up in the home of a scientist and his family. After harassing and threatening the tables are eventually turned when an unexpected visitor shows up. What this movie lacks in great acting, sound, or cinematography it attempts to make up for in pushing the envelope in terms of violence and sexuality. 


Life of the Party:

     As a completely independant movie this film knows it can get away with whatever it wants and it tries to get away with all of them. The over the top exploitation aspects of the film are really why you'd watch this film and it hits all the major nails on the head. If you're looking for a film that will be cathartic exercise in watching bad people be bad, this could be entertaining for you. The real big payoff is at the end when everything gets wrapped by an entrace from Bigfoot who kills everyone for pretty much no explained reason. 

Potential Hangovers:

     Everything about this film screams not just low budget, but abysmal budget. The sound quality is atrocious, the acting is laughable, the blood is in no way believable. The premise is hilarious, and it has moments where it really shines, however even as someone who likes low budget indie films this was just difficult to watch for the majority. When we got to the end and Bigfoot shenanigans ensued it was almost all worth it, but just almost.

The Vibe:

     As a flick to watch with friends or at a party I don't know that I can entirely recommend this film across the board. I'm sure there are niches that this would work wonderfully, but you better know your friends really well before you pull this out. There are few genuine laughs, most of the ones we had were simply through us making fun of it. Most of us were getting bored with the film unless there were boobs on screen or a Bigfoot. There is just too many boring and/or poorly done scenes between the handful of decent ones.



+ Boobs

- Slow pace

- Terrible sound

- Terrible acting.

]]> (Biggs) Exploitation Sat, 08 Sep 2012 15:36:25 +0000

The Buzz:

     Troma brings us their newest romp of gore and absurdity! Years ago a serial rapists and murderer assaulted fathers the country over. Now he has returned and only a one-eyed vigilante, a gay male hooker, and a priest can hunt him down and put an end to the terror once and for all. Filmed in the style of a 70's exploitation/grindhouse picture, this retro looked modern classic makes "Hobo with a Shotgun" look like a college film student project. 


Life of the Party:

     This movie is all of the great things Troma is known for, with very little of the bad things they are also known for. While clearly shot on a budget, it's much larger of a budget than we usually see with Troma films. Furthermore the grindhouse feel of the film makes the low budget work and work well. Additionally we have lots of social commentary, laughs, and plenty of blood. There was not a moment of watching this picture when I didn't have a smile on my face, and the rest of the room was similary enthralled.

Potential Hangovers:

     The movie takes a wicked and rather unexpected twist for the final act. I should have seen it coming from Troma, but I just didn't. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for everyone - it certainly wasn't for me - but I can see where the last bit of the film really turns people off as it takes a big turn in theme and genre and you will spend the next 20 minutes reeling and trying to keep up with all of the absurdity being thrown at you in quick succession. If you're willing to just sit back and take a trip into weirdville and all the sites therein that Father's Day wants to take you, you'll be fine. If you're more rigid in your expectations this may be a real problem for you. I don't want to give any spoilers I'll just say that I barely even know what happened in the last act simply because everyone in the room was yelling "WHAT THE FUCK?!" and laughing so much that the audio was getting drowned out. 

The Vibe:

As a party film this movie is amazing. Drunk or sober (though, certainly more so while drunk) this movie will entertain a group of friends so long as you all have a bit of a dark twisted side to you. And if you're even CONSIDERING watching a Troma film I'm going to assume that's a given. That being said, if you think this would even possibly be a good idea for you and your friends I recommend biting the bullet and watching it. I am very confident you will not be disappointed. 


+ Absurdly hilarious in it's own dark way.

+ Good acting and cinematography for a low budget indie film. 

+ Great soundtrack (I didn't touch on this, but seriously... amazing music)

+ Fun to watch with friends

- Definitely still a low budget film and that's not for everyone.

- Last act goes completely into left field. 

]]> (Biggs) Exploitation Sat, 08 Sep 2012 14:58:47 +0000

 The Buzz:

     The script writers in Exploitation Town are at it again. After some gangsters murder her boyfriend for the rights to his nightclub, Sugar Hill embarks on a quest to avenge her fallen man. No she doesn't go on a Rambo-esque shoot-em-up-car-chase rampage through town, like most other exploitation flicks. She goes one step further, summoning a small army of zombies to avenge her boyfriend's death!


Life of the Party:

     Did you catch that? Cause that last bit bears repeating. She SUMMONS A SMALL ARMY OF ZOMBIES TO AVENGE HER BOYFRIEND'S DEATH! But it bears mentioning that these aren't your average Romero or 28 Days Later kind of zombies. These are voodoo zombies. And their leader, Baron Samedi (which they pronounce as Baron Zombie, which could be the actual case, or they just did a ripoff of the character from the 1973 Bond film Live or Let Die) has got to be one of my favorite movie characters of all time. He is immortal, a trickster, controls an army of zombies, and among other things, is apparently a legendary love maker/womanizer.

     Where the fuck to do I sign up for THAT job?

     This movie is classic 70's exploitation, with the added twist of kick-ass zombies. Over-the-top characters, some truly great dialogue, and just that classic grind house “something” make Sugar Hill a real pleasure to watch.


Potential Hangovers:

     Some of the things that make Sugar Hill great are also some of it's weaknesses. This is a 70's grind house exploitation flick, which were kind of like the Sci-Fi Original films of their day; they were usually cranked out as quickly and cheaply as possible for some quick thrills, which does show in some of the film's aspects.


The Vibe:

     I watched this film solo and enjoyed the hell out of it. I think that if I had initially watched it with a group, it could have been even better. And feel free to drink wantonly during, since with the exception of the zombies, it's the same storyline as every other exploitation flick out there. I wouldn't recommend Sugar Hill for a party movie, as party movies should be flashier and more visually engaging.



+ SHE SUMMONS A SMALL ARMY OF ZOMBIES TO AVENGE HER BOYFRIEND'S DEATH! (I just hope I can engender that kind of loyalty in a woman some day, with the POSSIBLE exception of that

+ Surprisingly good film for a 70's exploitation movie that includes zombies

+ Memorable characters, good story (if unoriginal)

+/- You either love exploitation films, or you hate them

- Does look kind of cheap

]]> (Enuncia) Exploitation Thu, 12 Jul 2012 19:18:45 +0000