Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/rokcommon/RokCommon/Service/ContainerImpl.php on line 454

Deprecated: iconv_set_encoding(): Use of iconv.internal_encoding is deprecated in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/joomla/string/string.php on line 28

Deprecated: iconv_set_encoding(): Use of iconv.input_encoding is deprecated in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/joomla/string/string.php on line 29

Deprecated: iconv_set_encoding(): Use of iconv.output_encoding is deprecated in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/joomla/string/string.php on line 30

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/rokcommon/RokCommon/Service/ContainerImpl.php on line 454

Deprecated: Non-static method RokCandyHelper::getMacros() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/plugins/system/rokcandy/rokcandy.php on line 28

Deprecated: Non-static method RokCandyHelper::getTemplateOverrides() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/administrator/components/com_rokcandy/helpers/rokcandy.php on line 18

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/joomla/filter/input.php on line 652

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/joomla/filter/input.php on line 652
ASSAULT GIRLS (2009)

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/tankedma/public_html/libraries/joomla/filter/input.php on line 652

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::getParams() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 21

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperPermissions::canAddItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 34

Deprecated: Non-static method K2Permissions::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/permissions.php on line 185

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::getParams() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 64

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getCategoryRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 73

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 35

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getItemRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 76

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 24

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperPermissions::canEditItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 97

Deprecated: Non-static method K2Permissions::getInstance() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/permissions.php on line 218

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getTagRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 106

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 105

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getTagRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 106

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 105

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getTagRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 106

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 105

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getTagRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 106

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 105

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getTagRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 106

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 105

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::getParams() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 1121

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::getAvatar() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 227

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::getParams() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/utilities.php on line 21

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::getParams() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/models/item.php on line 472

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::setDefaultImage() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 97

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::getItemRoute() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 221

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperRoute::_findItem() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 24

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/helpers/route.php on line 116

Deprecated: Non-static method JSite::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 260

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/includes/application.php on line 539

Deprecated: Non-static method JSite::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 284

Deprecated: Non-static method JApplication::getMenu() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/includes/application.php on line 539

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::characterLimit() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/components/com_k2/views/item/view.html.php on line 301

ASSAULT GIRLS (2009)

Friday, 04 May 2012 23:19

Deprecated: Non-static method K2HelperUtilities::writtenBy() should not be called statically, assuming $this from incompatible context in /home/tankedma/public_html/templates/rt_clarion/html/com_k2/inherit/item.php on line 69
Written by  Enuncia

The Buzz:

In a dystopian future, communist ideals have destroyed all creativity in the world (way to go you damn Ruskies), and so now people spend almost all their time in virtual worlds playing RPG video games, the most popular one being “Avalon.” Assault Girls follows four players as they seek to defeat a difficult zone of the game.

Life of the Party:

Judged solely on visuals, Assault Girls is beautiful. For a B-movie, the FX in this film are extremely well done. …Uh…wow, is that really the only positive thing I have to say about this film? Damn, I guess so.

 

Potential Hangovers:

Have you ever taken a class or lecture where the topic and material covered were really interesting? You were actually looking forward to learning something that sounded really cool? But then the person giving said class/lecture talked really slow, paused often to collect his thoughts, and was generally so boring that the only thing you learned was the precise amount of time it took your ass to fall asleep in that really uncomfortable chair, only to forget that time because it all passes by in a boring, mind-numbing blur? That’s what Assault Girls is like. This movie should have been awesome; with this kind of production value, talent and subject, all it needed was some awesome action scenes with some badass characters, and maybe some dry humor related to gamers and RPG’s. Assault Girls had none of these things. I wanted so desperately for this film to be good, to try and find some redeeming characteristics that would pull it out of the Tanked Matinee purgatory where it would never be viewed or talked of again, except to piss each other off by forcing other members to watch it when they lost a bet. And despite my best efforts, I was so bored by Assault Girls it was an impossible task.

 

The Vibe:

The only circumstance I can possibly imagine this film being good is on a REALLY big TV, and nice surround sound system, and enough hallucinogens in your system to have you swear off drugs for the rest of your life, and have that vow actually work. Because then you just might be able to delude yourself into thinking this movie is worth a damn, but then you’ll crash and realize that the time and drugs were better spent watching Enter the Void.

 

Plus/Minus:

+ Well done visuals and production

- Every other goddamn thing

 

Read 791 times Last modified on Monday, 18 February 2013 17:19

About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

Creative Commons

All content on this website is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial 2.5 license. Share, don't sell.