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VAMPEGEDDON (2010)

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VAMPEGEDDON (2010)

Tuesday, 12 February 2013 01:02

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Written by 

The Buzz:

A small band of goth kids from the local community college head out into the desert and perform eldritch rituals as a harmless hobby, until one of them buys a book of sorcery from a strange garage sale and resurrects not only a small army of vampires buried in the desert, but also the spirit of the monster-hunter who put them there. Fight scenes, nudity, and other hijinks ensue in this direct-to-DVD independent cheapie.

 

Life of the Party (Positives):

Vampegeddon is perhaps the ultimate example of a charmingly cheap independent vampire movie.
Almost every scene is shot in either a back alley or the middle of the desert, because locations are expensive. The vampires are all dumpy, mincing Max Schreck knockoffs in pancake makeup. The acting is just as stilted as you might expect, with most of the players putting out performances that can most generously be described as “porno quality.”

This is strangely appropriate, because it seems like the filmmakers really should have just made a vampire-themed porn feature. The not-unpleasant-looking actresses spend most of their time dressing and undressing in various cleavagey fetish outfits, being dream-seduced while wearing transparent gossamer dresses, and engaging in lesbian frolics and gender-bending spiritual possessions. The erotic dream sequences are actually some of the best-shot moments, and the motivations for the characters to seek vampiric escapism are actually more interesting than the cliche monster-hunter character that arrives later on.

 

Potential Hangovers (Negatives):

The big downside to putting capes on all of your bad guys is that flowing fabric accentuates movement. This is great for showing off sophisticated, acrobatic combat, but when your fight choreography consists of a lot of hissing, hopping, and bumbling around, the bad guys look less like voracious undead and more like an army of epileptic theater curtains. The result is that while the vampire-slaying is what really drives the plot during the third act, the combat is so clunky and bland that it verges on anti-climax.

Another major weakness of this movie is that the production team needed to re-record and dub in every line of dialogue. For one thing, a line delivered in a studio is never going to be as authentic as one delivered “on-stage” in real time, making the already weak acting even more uninspired. Although only a true audiophile would have problems with the sound quality itself, the subtle detachment between what you see and what you hear makes the movie seem constantly off-balance, since the human brain is really good at noticing things that don't quite seem natural.

The Vibe:

It should be obvious that Vampegeddon is by no means a “good movie,” but it does make a “pretty good bad movie.” The story has a few creative ideas, pretty girls, and interesting visuals, balanced out by lackluster action and stilted dialogue. With such a short runtime, it's a good flick to watch first in a casual evening with a group of cheesy-movie enthusiasts, giving you plenty of time to discuss the various gaping plot holes while mixing the next round of cocktails before the main feature. Here's one issue to start with: if vampires are supposed to be extinct before the ritual occurs, then where did all those girls at the garage sale come from?

+ A “so bad it's charming” independent movie that shows plenty of heart... and other things in the chest area

+/- Plot contains a few creative twists on the usual tropes of the genre... which result in plenty of plot holes if you actually think about them

- Really lame fight scenes slow down the final act, but at least the film isn't very long to begin with

- Dubbed-over dialogue adds a surreal quality that makes the presentation seem sterile and even more poorly-acted

Read 894 times Last modified on Tuesday, 12 February 2013 01:20

About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

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