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Enjoyably Bad

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TROLL 2 (1990)

Friday, 18 October 2013 01:36
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Written by

The Buzz:

 

     Young Joshua and his family are planning a trip to Nilbog to get away for awhile. However, young Joshua discovers, just as most of you have, that Nilbog is “goblin” spelled backwards! From there on it's Josh trying to save his family from a town of shape changing, magic using... vegetarians? All while taking advice from his dead grandfather... or maybe a sociopathic hallucination; it's difficult to be sure. And he does this all by peeing on their food, eating a bologna sandwhich, touching rocks, and performing acts of necromancy.

 


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ATLANTIC RIM (2013)

Tuesday, 23 July 2013 21:15
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Written by

 

The Buzz:

A great and ancient evil dwells deep within the waters of the Atlantic. And it hungers for oil rigs.

     Ok, so that doesn't really sound evil. I'm going to try it again. In a world, inhabited by monsters who like oil. No, that's bad too. ok.. one last shot here: Brought to you by the Asylum, Atlantic Rim is NOT A RIP OFF OF PACIFIC RIM. See, Pacific rim is about monsters in the Pacific that have to be battled with giant robots. This movie, however, is about monsters in the Atlantic that have to be battled by giant robots that were ORIGINALLY made for search and rescue...Totally not for fighting monsters.


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TOTAL RETRIBUTION (2011)

Saturday, 27 April 2013 00:00
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Written by

The Buzz:

        A small band of human commandos are trapped on a space station orbiting Earth as they battle the undead. At stake is a weapon capable of destroying the Earth itself. And one woman struggles to recover her memories of how she awoke on this space-born hell.

 


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TEKWAR (1994)

Tuesday, 19 February 2013 02:06
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Written by

The Buzz:

When you think “William Shatner,” many things probably come to mind: stilted line deliveries, a constantly-ripped Starfleet uniform, and shilling for Priceline.com. However, not as many people know that he was also a sci-fi author, who created a series of cyberpunk novels in the late '80s and early '90s, when Gibsonian neo-noir was the current vision of the near future and people could still say “cyberspace” without snickering. Tekwar is a Canadian TV-movie adaptation of the first book in the series, which was directed by Shatner and also features him in a supporting role. The story focuses on “Tek,” a highly-addictive form of virtual reality, various druglords vying to control its supply, and an ex-cop accused of a crime he didn't commit who seeks to bring them to justice.


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VAMPEGEDDON (2010)

Tuesday, 12 February 2013 01:02
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Written by

The Buzz:

A small band of goth kids from the local community college head out into the desert and perform eldritch rituals as a harmless hobby, until one of them buys a book of sorcery from a strange garage sale and resurrects not only a small army of vampires buried in the desert, but also the spirit of the monster-hunter who put them there. Fight scenes, nudity, and other hijinks ensue in this direct-to-DVD independent cheapie.


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MUTANT HUNT (1987)

Monday, 04 February 2013 23:38
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Written by

The Buzz:

     From Tim Kincaid, the writer/director of the MST3k-worthy “Robot Holocaust,” we have another laughably-bad sci-fi action movie. In a spectacularly 80s-looking futuristic New York City, rival corporations (or maybe criminal organizations, it's not really clear) start a bloody gang war between their armies of drug-addled cyborgs. It's up to a team of mercenaries to track down and eliminate the melting, murderous robots, using lots and lots of spin kicks and a variety of gadgets that probably looked super high-tech back in '87, you guys, I swear.


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MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID (2011)

Wednesday, 30 January 2013 00:57
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Written by

The Buzz:

     M.P.v.G. is a continuation of The Asylum's proud tradition of making movies about larger-than-average animals that include the word “Mega” in the title and happen to star 1980's pop-singers. This time, the war between an army of giant snakes and a swamp full of 'roided-up alligators provides a hilarious CGI backdrop to the escalating tensions between 1980s musical rivals Tiffany (Mega Piranha) and Debbie Gibson (Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus). The film culminates in a titanic, senselessly-destructive struggle between two ferocious beasts from a bygone era. Oh, and some big reptiles fight each other, too.

 


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CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011)

Thursday, 19 July 2012 13:37
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Written by

The Buzz:

     A remake of a movie, based on a series of comics, Conan The Barbarian follows a Sumerian barbarian whose father and village are all killed by an evil conquerer, and who sets out on a quest for revenge. But things aren't quite so simple, as the bad guys are trying to reassemble an ancient, magical mask that will give them necromantic powers with which to take over the world.

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About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

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