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TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART 1 (2011)

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TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART 1 (2011)

Tuesday, 05 March 2013 12:00

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Written by 

The Buzz:

    This is the first of two parts (see Peter Jackson, it can be done) of the final story in the Twilight “saga” and centers around the finalization of Bella and Edward’s relationship.  It begins with their wedding and then they go on a honeymoon and then she gets knocked up and pretty much dies.  There are some preludes to the second part of the story (I guess) and CGI talking wolves and stuff too, but overall it tells a really simple story with a lot of fluff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Life of the Party:

     I am married, so thusly I have seen the Twilight series to the lack of my better judgment.  I have to say the atmosphere the films give off is cool and rather well thought out; from what I understand the books do a good job setting the tone for the films.  The story is interesting enough and the supporting cast is quite good and the effects (non-CGI) are pretty decent; when she is dying she looks like it.  The entire birthing sequence starting with an incredible looking breaking back to the extracting of a gore covered screaming alien….I mean baby has just enough gore to make it right.  The story isn’t bad at all, but it is cut short because of the film being split up so that can be forgiven.

 

Sorry Bella, Someone ate your placenta...

 

Possible Hangovers:

     It is part of the Twilight series which literally shits on all vampire lore that Stoker set forth and is a disgrace to all vampire movies and literature; seriously they fucking shimmer, COME ON!  Outside of that some CGI elements, especially the creepy as shit CGI baby that Jacob falls in love with at first sight.  Not to be confused with the awesome CGI baby in Tees Maar Khan.  A person who has not seen the previous films and/or read the books will be at a disadvantage upon viewing this film, so it’s not for everyone.  And finally the three lead actors are a bit shit; Kristin Stewart has the acting range of a potted plant that must be watered twice-weekly or it will shrivel up and die.  Meanwhile the two male leads can’t scrape together a personality or genuine emotion between them.

 

I don't know what skeptis is, but she nailed it!

 

The Vibe: Date Night

     This film is suited for mingling with the opposite sex if you are a guy or testing the strength of your relationship if you are a lady.  The series is not as bad as guys think it is going to be, so sit through it and shut up.  Drinking is highly recommended during this movie because it enhances the experience and lets you deal with the crazy bad CGI a little easier.  A good drinking game I think would be drink whenever a man cries in the film or looks as they are going to.  Also drink every time a vampire does something explicable like walk in the sun or get an erection without spending blood points.  Enjoy the film as a marathon if you can, so like tearing off a Band-Aid it’s all over at once.

 

Plus/Minus:

+ Atmosphere

+ Back Breaking Scene

+ Supporting Cast

- Main Cast

- Ruins Vampires

- Simple Plot/Long Movie

Read 694 times Last modified on Tuesday, 05 March 2013 16:08

About Us

Tanked Matinee is the place to go for good drinking movies. What do we mean by that? Simply speaking, we evaluate and recommend entertainment media based on how much fun it is to watch with friends on the sofa and a cold beer in hand.

Everyone knows "The Godfather" is a great movie, but is it as great to drink with as "Roadhouse?" We can appreciate "Citizen Kane" as a masterpiece of cinema, but is it as good a centerpiece for your party as "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians?"

Tanked Matinee appreciates film as art, but when you're kicking back on Friday night with a tall Rum & Coke, you're not looking for art, man, you want to be entertained. We're here to recommend the best movies for your night in, whether it's a big party, small get-together, or just a quiet night alone with a bottle of wine or three.

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